I force myself to go to the fitness center. Once I'm there, I like to get right into my workout and get out as soon as possible. It's not my idea of a good time. Which is what the guy on the sit-up bench was thinking, I'm sure. I was working on the machine next to the bench.
John: (standing in a UMass teeshirt, dripping sweat that barely missed the
gray-haired professor-type in white socks halfway up his shins, trying to do
"You've never had a colonoscopy? How old are you?"
Professor-type: "I'm sixty-five."
John: "Your doctor let you get away with that?"
Professor-type: "I just didn't bother."
John: "So this will be your first?"
John: "Well, the actual procedure isn't so bad, unless you've had a problem with anesthesia.
They put you under, you know."
Professor-type: "I only had anesthesia once, and I was real groggy after."
John: "Then, you'd better be sure to bring someone to drive you home. You won't know where
you are, but you have to be there so early in the morning that by the time you're finished,
it's only 10:30. You can still go back to bed. Anyway, it's the day before that's brutal."
Professor-type (still in halfhearted sit-up routine): "That's what I hear."
John: "Well, the liquid you drink is a lot better than when I first started. That stuff was like
brake fluid. Now you can get these little bottles of Citrate of Magnesium. Unless you
have a problem taking magnesium."
John: "That's lucky. You have to make sure the Citrate of Magnesium is clear. There's
a lemon flavor, I think. Absolutely no cherry. You have to finish the whole bottle
around 2 in the afternoon. So you'd better plan to take off work the day before,
because it reacts on some people fast."
Professor-type: No response. Still doing half-speed sit-ups.
John: "And the rest of the afternoon, you have to drink four glasses of water. That's the most
important part. The water flushes your kidneys. So like I said, you could react fast or
Professor-type: "Got it."
John: "Then at 7 p.m., you have to drink a second bottle of Citrate of Magnesium. That's when
things start to get interesting. I'd suggest a portable t.v. in the bathroom, or a magazine."
Professor-type: "Thanks for the tip."
John: "Of course, you can't eat anything all day, so you begin to get hungry the more you sit on
the can. But you can't drink anything after midnight, either."
Professor-type: "I'm sure I won't be thinking about eating."
John: "Well, for me, I had to run every half-hour all night. You might be different. When it got
clear, that's when I knew I was about done."
Professor-type: No longer doing sit-ups.
Pam: Trying not to burst out laughing, jumps off the machine and runs for the mats. Stretches in
P.S. - I've had two colonoscopies and would not skip one for the life of me (and for
the lives of two friends who were lost).
- Delray Beach, FL, Westport, MA, United States
- Undergraduate degree, Colby College; MA in teaching, Columbia Teacher's College; former high school English teacher in three states; former owner of interior design co. with advanced degree from R.I. School of Design. Published first book in 2009 titled, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. Her humorous manuscript titled ELDERLY PARENTS WITH ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS was published in June, 2014. In 2015 A SURVIVAL GUIDE won a gold medal in the self-help category at the Florida Authors & Publishers Association conference. See website By CLICKING HERE.