About Me

My photo
Delray Beach, FL, Westport, MA, United States
Undergraduate degree, Colby College; MA in teaching, Columbia Teacher's College; former high school English teacher in three states; former owner of interior design co. with advanced degree from R.I. School of Design. Published first book in 2009 titled, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. Her humorous manuscript titled ELDERLY PARENTS WITH ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS was published in June, 2014. In 2015 A SURVIVAL GUIDE won a gold medal in the self-help category at the Florida Authors & Publishers Association conference. See website By CLICKING HERE.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Humor from the Headlines

It has been a devastating week with unthinkable catastrophe along the east coast of the U.S.  Among the photographic and video horrors, I found some items that might provide brief distractions.

First, Paula Simonds (aka Lacey Wildd ) is getting more cleavage.  Not that she doesn't already have enough.  The single mom from MTV's "True Life" series has decided to increase her implant size from triple L to triple M.  Proud to be plastic, Lacey is charging $1500-$2000 per TV and event appearance (no porn or topless, though).  Her website sells sexy Lacey bobble heads (with bobbling boobs, too?).  In-between having her six children, she had six surgeries.  Then six more.  She hopes to put her children through college on the bobbling proceeds.

When Lacey sleeps, "it's like having two bowling balls in my chest," she said.  She has two torn vertebrae and can't have routine sonograms or mammograms.  An internal bra implanted in her torso is made of pigskin and her own muscle.  The implants can shift at any time and end up in her armpits or abdomen.  If that happened, would gawkers still shout "How big are they?"

Fans donate through PayPal for her surgeries.  While under the knife last time, Lacey added butt and tummy lifts. 


Let's get it right!  Since the third and final presidential debate, residents of Boca Raton, Florida, want their hometown pronounced correctly.  It's "Rah-tone."  The city actually passed an ordinance in 1982 to put an end to mispronunciations.

What could they do?  Jail people who make it rhyme with "baton?"

The name actually comes from an archaic nautical term meaning, "rocky inlet."  Contemporary Spanish  translates the name into something like "mouth of the rat."  Well, that's possible, too, depending on the people you know from Boca.

Newspapers reported on November 4, 2012, that billions in aid meant to help Japan recover from its 2011 earthquake and tsunami actually got diverted to other government projects.  Among those receiving the aid were a factory that produces contact lenses, prisons for job training, and activists who are opposed to the activists opposed to whaling.  More than half of the $148 billion has not been allocated at all. 

Meanwhile, Japanese art director and designer Kenya Hara announced a top-secret new project for fall.  Would it provide temporary housing for the inhabitants still homeless from the tsunami?  No, but it does provide construction for man's best friend, dogs.  Perhaps the easy-to-assemble structures, called "Architecture for Dogs," could be modified for humans.  I wonder if Mr. Hara received any of the $148 billion for his project?

Finally, some levity from Senator Joe Lieberman, when interviewed by Mark Leibovich in The New York Times Magazine, Sunday, November 4, 2012:

"There's an older guy on the park bench, crying...Finally a jogger stops, sees the guy sobbing.  'What's wrong?'

"'My wife of 48 years died, and I was very lonely.  I went on JDate and met a younger Russian woman.  We liked each other.  So she's moved in with me, and she's wonderful.  She's attractive, she cooks well, she takes care of me and almost every night we have fabulous sex.'

"So the jogger says:  'Well that's a wonderful story.  Why are you crying?'

"The old guy says, 'I'm crying because I can't remember where I live.'"

Senator Lieberman added, "It will get funnier as you get older."

No comments:

Post a Comment