About Me

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Delray Beach, FL, Westport, MA, United States
Undergraduate degree, Colby College; MA in teaching, Columbia Teacher's College; former high school English teacher in three states; former owner of interior design co. with advanced degree from R.I. School of Design. Published first book in 2009 titled, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. Her humorous manuscript titled ELDERLY PARENTS WITH ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS was published in June, 2014. In 2015 A SURVIVAL GUIDE won a gold medal in the self-help category at the Florida Authors & Publishers Association conference. See website By CLICKING HERE.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

What's Real?

What do you believe on an internet dating site?

First, the woman's photo is probably ten years old (at least), unless it's a photo of her youngest sister.  Of course there'll be no wrinkles, midriff fat, or gray streaks on a twenty-something.  Ditto for a man's photo.

Did she lie about her age?  H-E-L-L-O?  What woman in her right mind would post her real age on an internet site for the world?  Let's assume she cheats by five to ten years.  Ditto for a man.

If the woman lives in south Florida, chances are her face has been tweaked at least once.  Girls receive gift certificates for surgical face lifts when they turn sixteen down there - no lie.  Injections of Juvaderm plump out the hollows and Botox smoothes out the wrinkles.  Possible ditto for the man.

If the potential date passes a background check without a criminal record, things might progress to the meet-and-greet at a neutral place.  Here are some first impressions:

Him:

Holy crap!  Are those boobs real?  Who cares -  I've hit the jackpot.  Not a wrinkle on her.  A lot of cash for those boobs and dimples.  She must be loaded.  But those eyelashes? They're long enough to damage my eyeball.  The hair - I know she's not a natural redhead, but didn't she read the instructions?  She's hot, though.  I'd like to get her out in the wilderness.  But those fingernails might puncture the air mattress.

Her:

Holy crap!  He's old enough to be my father.  His interests were camping and hiking, but what if we're on a mountain and a bear came along?  He'd have a heart attack and I'd be a goner.  I bet he doesn't even have an Iphone to make dinner reservations. He'd be asleep halfway through the meal, anyway.  I wonder if he drools.  And he looks cheap.  His barber shouldn't have a license.  I'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.

"I'm sorry, John, what did you say?  You'd like to fly us to Sun Valley next weekend in your jet?"