At my yearly physical when I turned fifty my doctor asked, "Do you know what being fifty means?"
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I stared at him.
"It means you just bought yourself a colonoscopy."
"I'd rather buy a vowel," I said.
Then at fifty-five, my blood pressure and cholesterol went through the stratosphere. For years, I'd had the blood pressure of a seven-year-old girl. Now I was being introduced to all the medications I'd been dishing out over the years: ACE's, ARB's, Calcium Channel Blockers, Beta Blockers, and the ever popular Statins.
After months of trying different combinations, my blood pressure and cholesterol returned to near normal levels. Of course, now I have leg cramps, acid reflux, and heartburn - all in the fine print. I've cut back on salt and sugar and I'm trying to exercise. Sometimes, though, I can actually taste chocolate butter cream frosting melting on my tongue.
I look back on my life before sixty, before fifty, before pills, and sigh.