About Me

My photo
Delray Beach, FL, Westport, MA, United States
Undergraduate degree, Colby College; MA in English, Columbia Teacher's College; former high school English teacher in three states; former owner of interior design co. with MA from R.I. School of Design. Barking Cat Books published my first book in 2009 titled, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. My humorous manuscript titled ELDERLY PARENTS WITH ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS was published in June, 2014. In 2015 A SURVIVAL GUIDE won a gold medal in the self-help category at the Florida Authors & Publishers Association conference. In 2018 Barking Cat Books published my SURVIVING YOUR DREAM VACATION: 75 RULES TO KEEP YOUR COMPANION TALKING TO YOU ON THE ROAD. See website By CLICKING HERE.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Dating Checklists for Seniors

     Online hunts for dates have never been more frenzied, often consummating in farcically bad bagel dates, unnecessary credit card bills, or unkept promises.  It can be a frustrating and lonely experience for millions, as well as a humorous experience leading to friendship and self-awareness.  Assuming an online dating profile includes some skin and an "About Me" section of no more than four lines, the following should help those on the hunt.

Checklist for Women Over 60

 1.  Is his photo hanging in the post office?

 2.  Did he pass the background check a private detective performed for you?

 3.  Does his online photo bear any resemblance to the person in front of you?

 4.  Does he have unclipped hair hanging from his ears and nose?

 5.  Did a companion in uniform drive him to the "meet and greet?"
 6.  Does he live with his children?

 7.  How many times in five minutes does he say, "What?"

 8.  How many times in fifteen minutes do his children call him?

 9.  Is duct tape holding his clothes together?

10. Does he part his hair down by one ear so that two longish strands can be swept over the top of his bald spot?

11.  Can you count on one hand the number of times he uses the word "I" in fifteen minutes?

12. Does he ask which side of the bread to put peanut butter on before adding jelly?

13. How many casserole dishes are stacked in his freezer with labels in handwriting that curls
      and loops and has a heart underneath?

14. Does he tell you his excitement this week was having his pocketed cell phone on "Vibrate?"

15.  Does he reach across to straighten your knife and fork when you've finished eating?

Checklist for Men Over 60

 1.  Does her on-line photo bear any resemblance to the woman standing in front of you?

 2.  Has she had so many face lifts that her chin protrudes like a fish hook?

 3.  Does she drive at night?

 4.  Did one of her children build an addition to his/her home for her or does she share a
      bathroom with four grandchildren?

 5.  Are sagging tattoos peeking from her clothing?

 6.  Do you feel you are in danger with her?

 7.  Have her boobs sunk to her navel, but in remembrance of Woodstock she refuses
      to wear a bra?

 8.  Does she have a cold sore on her lip that she claims is a pimple?

 9.  Are there cat  hairs on her clothes (a sign a cat will be in her lap, not you)?

10.  How many times in thirty minutes does she show you photos of her grandchildren?

11.  How many times in fifteen minutes does she interrupt you?

12.  How many times in fifteen minutes does she contradict you?

13.  Does she talk about her world travels and then leave a 10% tip?

14.  Are there cookbooks in her kitchen?

15.  Are there visible rashes?

Can you add to the checklists?  Just write in the Comments box below.
To be continued.................................................................................