Happiness Is a Cheap Drug Part II

In anticipation of the 2014 publication of my book, ELDERLY PARENTS WHO HAVE ALL THEIR MARBLES:  A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS, I've invited fellow writer and practicing pharmacist Don (D.G.) Weiss to be a guest blogger.  The excerpt below is from his second mystery novel ALL THAT GLITTERS and concerns the importation of cheap drugs purchased on the internet from Canada.  This is in no way a reflection on the vast majority of legitimate drugs purchased from Canada, but as always, "caveat emptor."

     Part II

The emergency room doctor responded to the call from the nurses' station.  "We got a real winner here, Doctor Russell."  The ER nurse laughed.  The doctor looked at the chart and chuckled quietly to himself.

"Priapism is no joke, nurse."  The doctor half-scolded her, but he was trying to control his own amusement. He was more concerned about the blood results he was reviewing.  He walked into Jim's room and introduced himself.

"I'm Doctor Russell, Mr. Tobias.  Let's see what we can do for you."

"What's the matter, Doc?" Jim asked.  "Why does it hurt so much, and why won't it go down?"

"How long has it been this way, Mr. Tobias?"

"I don't know, Doc.  Maybe ten or eleven hours.  Is that important?" Jim asked.

"Are you a diabetic, Mr. Tobias?  Do you use drugs of any sort?"

"I don't do drugs, Doc.  I only took a Viagra last night about eight-thirty," Jim replied, somewhat embarrassed by his admission.

"Do you have the bottle with you, by any chance?" Dr. Russell asked.

"I don't have a bottle but I have the pills with me.  Why do you ask?"  The level of pain his swollen penis was causing him was evident.

"There is some counterfeit Viagra floating around that comes from India.  It contains the main ingredient that comprises Viagra but also could contain other drugs like blood thinners or anti-psychotic agents.  My concern is that your blood tests indicate that your blood is taking longer to clot than it should, which may indicate the Viagra you took is not genuine.  It may also contain more of the active ingredient, which could account for your problem.  An erection lasting this long could result in permanent damage causing impotence.  Where did you purchase this?"

"I bought it on-line from a place in Canada."  The color had drained from Big Jim's face.

"Doc, this really hurts!  Can you help me?"  Big Jim was almost pleading now.

"Well, we can apply some ice to your penis and scrotum."

"Will that help me?"  Jim looked on the verge of tears.

"Well, if that doesn't help, we can drain some blood directly from your penis..."

Big Jim Tobias passed out cold!