"Julie, I tried and it doesn't ring. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."
"Do you have your glasses on?"
"Yes, I have my glasses on."
"Well, that Jitterbug phone has a four-inch screen and the biggest letters of any phone on the market. The functions are alphabetical, so you don't have to hit an icon. Can you find the paper where I wrote down the steps?"
"I don't remember where I put it."
"I'll be there after work, Mom. Try those three steps again and dial me. Hit PHONE, CONTACTS, AND THE NUMBER THAT POPS UP FOR ME."
Julie did not receive a call. She dialed her mother, but got a busy signal.
Later, she tried again. This time her mother answered.
"I didn't hear from you, but your line was busy," Julie said.
"When I dialed you, I got some internet site for young men. They were all in speedos. I must have hit the internet by mistake. Then my hearing aid started shrieking. I thought I was gonna go crazy, but I didn't know how to shut the speedos down. I thought you said this thing is compatible with hearing aids!"
"That's what the customer rep told me, Mom. Glad the thing was good for something."
The next day: "I picked up another phone for you, Mom. It's much simpler and has no internet. It's called the 'Jitterbugplus,' and it's a voice speaking to you. All you have to do is say 'Yes' or 'No.' It has big, huge numbers. And I got you a surprise, too."
"What?"
"It's a little box you wear around your neck. In case you can't reach the phone or you can't dial in an emergency. It's called the '5StarUrgentResponse.' It dials into a central number when you press the button."
"At least I'll have somebody to talk to."
The other side of the coin, for savvy over-fifties, is a Twitter account using the Iphone. Creating a Twitter bio can be daunting, however. A younger family member should probably handle this, or a co-worker - someone who can string several words together that are witty, self-deprecating, and concise in 160 characters, while summarizing the over-fifty's professional and personal accomplishments. In the NY Times on Sunday, October 6, 2013, Teddy Wayne posted Hillary Clinton's Twitter bio: "wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, Sec-State, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD..."
And for those over fifty who are even more adept on their Iphones, there's always Match.com, Ourtime.com, or ChristianMingle.com. Just beware of speedos!
