What's Real?

What do you believe on an internet dating site?

First, the woman's photo is probably ten years old (at least), unless it's a photo of her youngest sister.  Of course there'll be no wrinkles, midriff fat, or gray streaks on a twenty-something.  Ditto for a man's photo.

Did she lie about her age?  H-E-L-L-O?  What woman in her right mind would post her real age on an internet site for the world?  Let's assume she cheats by five to ten years.  Ditto for a man.

If the woman lives in south Florida, chances are her face has been tweaked at least once.  Girls receive gift certificates for surgical face lifts when they turn sixteen down there - no lie.  Injections of Juvaderm plump out the hollows and Botox smoothes out the wrinkles.  Possible ditto for the man.

If the potential date passes a background check without a criminal record, things might progress to the meet-and-greet at a neutral place.  Here are some first impressions:

Him:

Holy crap!  Are those boobs real?  Who cares -  I've hit the jackpot.  Not a wrinkle on her.  A lot of cash for those boobs and dimples.  She must be loaded.  But those eyelashes? They're long enough to damage my eyeball.  The hair - I know she's not a natural redhead, but didn't she read the instructions?  She's hot, though.  I'd like to get her out in the wilderness.  But those fingernails might puncture the air mattress.

Her:

Holy crap!  He's old enough to be my father.  His interests were camping and hiking, but what if we're on a mountain and a bear came along?  He'd have a heart attack and I'd be a goner.  I bet he doesn't even have an Iphone to make dinner reservations. He'd be asleep halfway through the meal, anyway.  I wonder if he drools.  And he looks cheap.  His barber shouldn't have a license.  I'd have to do all the cooking and cleaning.

"I'm sorry, John, what did you say?  You'd like to fly us to Sun Valley next weekend in your jet?"