About Me

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Delray Beach, FL, Westport, MA, United States
Undergraduate degree, Colby College; MA in English, Columbia Teacher's College; former high school English teacher in three states; former owner of interior design co. with MA from R.I. School of Design. Barking Cat Books published my first book in 2009 titled, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. My humorous manuscript titled ELDERLY PARENTS WITH ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS was published in June, 2014. In 2015 A SURVIVAL GUIDE won a gold medal in the self-help category at the Florida Authors & Publishers Association conference. In 2018 Barking Cat Books published my SURVIVING YOUR DREAM VACATION: 75 RULES TO KEEP YOUR COMPANION TALKING TO YOU ON THE ROAD. See website By CLICKING HERE.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Camilla and Charles Babysit While the Royals Visit the Colonies




Charles:   For the love of heaven, what is that beastly smell?

Camilla:    It's Prince George's biggie.  He just finished his lunch.

Charles:   Can't you do something?                                                                  

Camilla:   Sedrick (butler) is bringing rubber gloves and an apron.  Should I order you
               a mask?

Charles:   No, just get it done.  Oh no, oh no!  He just vomited over my velvet
               slippers.  It's vile - it's green.

Camilla:   It's just peas, Charles.  Kate said to give them a try.  Here's Sedrick now.
               Help me get the Prince out of the highchair, would you, Charles?

Charles:  Sedrick, I need a wet towel right away.
               You know I have a bad back, Camilla.  I can't lift him - he's a load.

Camilla:   And I just had my nails done.  Come on, give me a hand.
               (they both lift Prince George)

Charles:   Stop squirming, son!  My god, he's heavy.  I can't hold him.
               (Prince George and Camilla fall sideways onto carpet)
               Holy Queen Mother!  Are you hurt, Camilla?

Camilla:   (slightly winded)  George fell on top of me.  Get his doctor!
               (Prince screaming on top of Camilla)

Charles:   Where is that nanny when we need her?  Where's Sedrick?
                Oh, there you are, Sedrick..  There's been a fall.  Summon the Prince's
               doctor immediately.
                Not a word of this, mind you!
                (takes wet towel as Sedrick retreats again for doctor)
                Take deep breaths, darling.  The Prince will be fine.  He had a soft landing
                on that lovely bosom.  (Prince George's cries turn to whimpers)
                Up-a-daisy, now.

Camilla:    (on her knees, handing Prince George to Charles)
               Oh, my nails are ruined!  Where is that nanny?

Sedrick:   (reappearing)  The doctor's on his way.  I'll take the Prince to his nanny.

Charles:    And do something about that odor, will you, Sedrick?
                Some spray, perhaps?
                I need to calm down.  Where's the paper, Camilla?

Camilla:     I need to get an appointment with my manicurist.

Charles:    (scanning paper)
                Look at this, Camilla!  They're in Brooklyn, of all places, for some brutish,
                smelly game. There's a monster with his arm around Kate.
                Didn't he get the protocol sheet?
             
Camilla:    (looking at news photo)
                She's making the best of it with that smile.  Always a good girl.
                William doesn't notice - his eyes are on Beyonce.

Charles:    Leave it to the Yanks to create a tempest.

Camilla:    We didn't need a Yank to create a tempest, did we now, Charles?

Charles:    Don't go there, Camilla.  Here they are at a gala.  I wonder what that
                 frock cost the Treasury?

Camilla:    It's elegant and covers her baby bump. Frumpy's all you get in
               The Pretty Pregnant Boutique here.

Charles:    Maybe the next one won't eat like a gargantuan or poo like a horse.

Camilla:    Her stylist outdid herself with those five 'do's.  Are they going away again
                soon?

Charles:   If they must, we'll be heading off in the opposite direction!