...Your next chance to get home will be a flight in five days and you've got to pay a $1,000 upgrade.
...You were on hold for three hours with airline personnel tracking your luggage, and it's been three more hours on the phone with the connecting city where your luggage landed without you.
...167 feet of Niagara Falls has frozen into block-steps on the US side, covering the observation platform that no-one can get to anyway.
...Your pipes are bursting in a cacophony of cascading waterfalls from the attic through the second floor ceiling, the first floor ceiling, and into the basement.
...You've driven through three towns without success finding kitty litter for your car or diapers for your kid.
...You're shuffling sideways on ice practicing for your hometown version of Ice Capades.
...Your beige carpet has turned yellow because the dog won't go out.
...Your son wants to see how long it will take to freeze his pee outside the door and it instantly becomes a pretty frozen icicle he grabs with his bare hand, which is now frozen to the icicle.
...Your cotton pants are wet with snow and sweat and freeze to your thighs while you're shoveling.
...You decide to get right home after a haircut and your wet head turns to ice.
...The snot from your nose has frozen into a Pinnochio appendage and the only way to breathe is through your mouth, which burns your lungs like smoking two packs a day.
...There are grayish-yellow patches on your skin and it's not Halloween. (Note: frostbite is no joke - go inside immediately and put the limb under lukewarm, NOT hot water. Do NOT use a heating pad!)
And finally, from Craig Ferguson, you know it's below zero when
...Honey Boo Boo actually wears shoes in Georgia.
...Lobsters are throwing themselves into boiling pots of water in Maine.
...People are wearing deep-dish pizzas on their feet in Chicago.
...
...There are gra
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