Sixty Is a New Sixty

In anticipation of the 2014 publication of my book, ELDERLY PARENTS WHO HAVE ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS, I've invited fellow writer and practicing pharmacist Don (D.G.) Weiss to be a guest blogger.  D.G. is the author of three detective/mystery novels, including the first in the series, Picture Perfect.  He'll be sharing some lighthearted commentary on the aging process.


At my yearly physical when I turned fifty my doctor asked, "Do you know what being fifty means?"

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I stared at him.

"It means you just bought yourself a colonoscopy."

"I'd rather buy a vowel," I said.

Then at fifty-five, my blood pressure and cholesterol went through the stratosphere.  For years, I'd had the blood pressure of a seven-year-old girl.  Now I was being introduced to all the medications I'd been dishing out over the years:  ACE's, ARB's, Calcium Channel Blockers, Beta Blockers, and the ever popular Statins.

After months of trying different combinations, my blood pressure and cholesterol returned to near normal levels.  Of course, now I have leg cramps, acid reflux, and heartburn - all in the fine print.  I've cut back on salt and sugar and I'm trying to exercise.  Sometimes, though, I can actually taste chocolate butter cream frosting melting on my tongue.

I look back on my life before sixty, before fifty, before pills, and sigh.