Reconnecting after 17 Years

The phone rang and my husband answered. "Yes," he said, "I am the husband of Pam Carey. Who is this?"

(Pause.) "Sorry, I don't recognize the name."

We were getting used to that kind of call, since the publication of my book, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. Community events people called to book a signing/presentation; publicists called to enlist me as a client.

"Just a minute," Charley said, "I'll give her the phone."

"Hello?" I inquired.

"Hi! This is Becky Kaczman, and you don't know me, but I have just read your book and have a boy playing Little League on Hillsboro Boulevard. I wanted to connect with you because my son's team is coached by Marty Durkin, and he is mentioned in your book!"

Here's what happened next: Charley and I made a trip to the baseball fields down Hillsboro Boulevard, in Florida, about thirty minutes from where we live. We wanted to see the coach of a kid we didn't even know. Why? Because of our fond memories of the years our two sons played pro baseball with Marty Durkin during Red Sox spring training and Fla. State games; because of the many hours we spent in the stands with his parents, huge baseball nuts and supportive parents; because of the memory of one huge spread, complete with Honeybaked Ham and all the fixinigs, his mom put out at their house in Ft. Lauderdale for our Red Sox team; and because of this mom, Becky, who was now living my life and trying to surprise her son's coach by our appearance.

Marty's team got clobbered, but we didn't care. Our surprise visit was special - seeing his wife again, meeting his middle son, talking about minor league days and where everyone was now. We threw names of former players around that we've seen or kept in touch with. We talked about Marty's three sons, who all play baseball, and about his parents, who still live in the same house and are allowing Marty's oldest son to live with them so he can attend Cardinal Gibbons High School, to play on the same team as his dad.

If anyone were to ask me the benefits of our kids' participation on a sports team, I would probably not list reunions high on the list. But for several hours last weekend, it was right up there at the top. And Marty had even purchased his own copy of the book! Thanks, Becky!

Life's Evershifting Focus

As Judith Barrington wrote in Writing the Memoir, "life doesn't have a shapely plot in the way that fiction often does. It goes on day by day with an ever-shifting focus as various themes unfold over time."

The plan I had laid out for myself this winter was to begin to shape my next book, a memoir about my parents. I had all the material in journals (an old writing and teaching habit), as well as the memories of my parents' funny habits and the caregiving decisions that became necessary during their last several months.

When I sat down to organize the notes, I realized I was not ready. I had more caregivers' memoirs to read and research to do; I had a data base to collect from the sales of my previous book (Minor League Mom: A Mother's Journey through the Red Sox Farm Teams). My new writing project still waits for a narrative.

Then, suddenly, I was in pain. The bulging discs in my back had erupted and one had moved one-half inch. I had trouble walking, let alone competing in tennis and golf matches or going through my routines at the fitness center. So began the rounds of doctor's appointment, x-rays, physical therapy, and swimming laps....

Interrupted by a trip to New Jersey to celebrate a granddaughter's belated second birthday and on to Massachusetts to celebrate another's belated fifth birthday.
Life didn't have a shapely plot. I had trouble picking the three little girls up, and went to bed with heating pad, Advil, and Stop-Pain for my aches. But oh, it was so worth the effort!

I have another memory bank to draw from now - one of little girls putting on a "Disney on Ice" show complete with three changes of costume; a two-year-old getting up from her crib in the morning yelling, "Grandmaw, where are u?"; a beach party in the middle of the kitchen floor with sunblock, cardgames, towels, and snacks; a pre-school breakfast for parents, etc., etc.

The pain had to wait, and so did my writing project. Day by day there was an ever-shifting focus, one that I didn't want to miss.

HOMEWORK: Reading, 'Rithmetic, Then 'Riting

Like any other project, I cannot just dive right into it. It's the same with studying Italian or building a shed or learning to drive. There's homework that comes first to build up my skills and to learn how to structure the project.

My new project is writing another book. It will be about my parents, who lived into their nineties with healthy minds and bodies. The focus will be the funny, idiosyncratic things they did that made us laugh and remember them, before the caregiving started. That last part will have to be in there too, since the point of the book will be that I had a memory bank to draw from when the tables reversed themselves and things got rough.

I thought I was ready to begin writing. I have all the notes and journals I kept for those last years of their lives, right up until they passed away almost exactly one year apart. But I wasn't ready. I hadn't done all my homework.

I had not READ some of the books published about caring for elderly parents. Naturally, I don't intend to read them all, but at least some, that deal with the same subject about making difficult decisions with two remaining parents, then one. So I ordered a couple of them to see how they were structured and whether I had anything new to say. So far, my story and my viewpoint will be unique, as it should be. I am different, and so were my parents, from any of the other characters whose stories I have read. A publisher wants a new twist, even if it is an old story.

I had also not done the 'RITHMETIC necessary before starting this project. I had records from my previous publisher about the sales and expenses of my first book(MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS, published by Barking Cat Books, a division of New River Press). I knew I had to sell virtually the entire first printing of that book before we broke even. We are well on the way.

But the preparation for writing involved creating a data base ('RITHMETIC) for the next book. I have now spent a month and a half putting lists together: names, addresses, emails of people who bought the book; names, addresses, emails of group members I have had the opportunity to speak before; contacts for bookstores, libraries, clubs, colleges, where I have appeared and where I hope to appear; invitation lists for book signings, etc., etc. There are over 1,000 listings so far.

Finally, when these homework steps are complete, I will begin 'RITING. 'RITING the first draft from the journals I kept will be fun. I anticipate that the storytelling will flow easily. After all, I knew the subjects intimately, since it will be a memoir. Revisions and redrafts will follow.

When the manuscript is complete, that's when the hard work really begins. Finding a publisher interested in the story is like finding a needle in a haystack. Only perseverance and luck will make it happen. And then comes the marketing, after I sign on the dotted line. That's when all the homework will pay off.

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT: be different

Why, I ask myself, would anyone want to read a book about a mother with two sons in the Red Sox minor leagues (MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS)? But they did! After ten months, my book has sold half of the first printing. I am astounded by this, so I analyze. I had read everything in print on the subject of minor league baseball before I started writing and discovered that I had a unique story to tell...a story of a family with two sons playing for the same pro team, with the same goal: becoming a major leaguer. Neither of them ever made it. There would be no instant name recognition to this story. Still, a mother's point-of-view was unique in the world of pro sports.

But my story also had to be readable. So I wrote my memoir in the best way I knew how. As a former writing teacher, I knew the pitfalls. I needed to have my sons, the two main characters, grab the reader's attention and sympathy. They are likable kids, smart and motivated, so that was no problem. There was plenty of family history to write about. Both boys worked so hard through the seven years in the Red Sox system, yet they were so different.

Now I am at a crossroads before beginning another memoir, this time about my elderly parents in their nineties - their funny habits and idiosyncracies, before the caregiving started. They were each healthy in mind and body until the last several months. However, I plan to chronicle the caregiving, too, since that lasted only a short time for each of them, and Ev and Walt died almost exactly a year apart. They would have passed together, if there was any way they could have planned it. I am still reading memoirs and essays published about caregiving for aging parents. I don't want to repeat what is already out there.

Here is the point. In order to do something different that a publisher will want to print and that readers will want to pick up, I've got to have a new twist, a new hook. And I do. Why? Because I am different from all those other caregivers, and my parents were different from all the other parents - loving toward their children and each other, set in their ways, yet able to charm and joke. They were fun to be around, and Walt's blue eyes created instant girlfriends among the women he met. My mom was sweet and smart, but had a real adamant streak when she decided someone had tried to get away with something. The memory bank I have is different from anyone else's.

It is this memory bank of funny stories that I will recount in order to show how I got through the end of the story. That is my twist. It is difficult enough to hold your parents in your arms while they make the transition. Without the memory bank, it would have been nearly impossible. I am different because my story is different. Isn't everyone's?

A NEW BEGINNING

HAPPY NEW YEAR! A new year, a new decade, a new lease on life after spending the holidays looking at things from the perspective of a toddler. Always puts the important things right back in front of my nose! What else? A new job for some, and certainly for me...a new book to start.

I'll begin something I look forward to - writing - just as others look forward to beginning a new task at work, or perhaps sowing the seeds of a new relationship. Why? Since the publication of my first memoir, MINOR LEAGUE MOM, part of my self-definition is that of a writer. I really enjoy the process. The other reason is that I like to challenge myself, like during a team tennis match or while travelling to a different part of the globe.

I don't agonize over what's ahead. I'm not nervous about how to begin, or what the theme of the writing will be. I've been collecting material my whole life, so there is no great abyss. I'm not staring at a blank page, wondering when the ideas will come. I don't create a huge block of granite in my mind that I must chip away at (though I do) by constant, steady work. Nor do I create a complicated outline (though I've got a rough outline in my mind). I just begin.

Where? At the farthest place back in the notes I have kept about my parents, the subjects of my next memoir. They lived into their nineties, healthy in mind and body. I have so many journals about the funny things they did, the things that gave us barrels of laughter and pleasure before the caregiving started, that I can jump in almost anywhere. I'll give as much background as necessary during the telling.

Everybody's got a memory bank to draw from. Some of it may be disposable, some of it precious. But we've all got talents and successes that make us unique. Or memories! Maybe it was a childhood friend who stood by us, maybe a family member we could confide in, maybe a mentor or teacher who believed in us. Everyone's got a reservoir to draw from to start over or redo. Dig down and take a look, even if you didn't keep notes!

I'm excited, and why not? I'm a grandmother who takes one look at our granddaughters and falls in love every time. I have a husband of forty-three years I still adore. I'm fortunate enough to be healthy and involved in activites I enjoy. I have long-standing friendships with people I love, who love me back.

Getting the jitters about beginning a new book? No way! I'm lucky to get the chance to start over. There have been other, far more daunting phases of life when starting over involved a lot more than just looking at a blank page.

Making Lists

I'm a list-maker. I think it's in my genes, and my sister's, too. My calendar has an 8 1/2 x 11" page for every three days, and they are FILLED! I list the phone calls I have to make each day, the stops in the car, the correspondence, etc.
The only thing I don't put in there is the grocery list. I have a separate sheet for that. I guess you can tell I don't bother with a Blackberry - it would take me way too long to enter the items and I couldn't read three days all at once.

A long time ago I began to keep an open notebook for lists of things that pop into my head. Sometimes I write down a great-sounding phrase, or a page reference for a really unique idea that I just read. Sometimes I jump up in the middle of the night and creep into the kitchen to jot things down. I don't turn on any lights till I get there, so I won't wake Charley. When we're on trips, I record the restaurants where we had a great meal, or where we should return to a hotel, or even where we might go on our next trip!

My list-making turned into journal-keeping. That's how my first book got published, MINOR LEAGUE MOM. I kept journals of everything that happened to our two sons while they were playing pro ball with the Red Sox farm teams, as well as to Charley and me. Now that MINOR LEAGUE MOM is in print, I'll begin writing my next one about my elderly parents: all the funny, idiosyncratic things they did and the great relationship we had until I became their caregiver (and our roles reversed). All of those stories are in journals waiting to be put into a framework.

I have also started a journal about the tennis team I am on in South Florida. We play interclub matches from late September till middle of May. If I ever produce a book on that subject, it could be a soap opera! Some of my teammates are now feeding me material.

Here's the point: it's easier for me to write from notes than to begin with a blank slate. And I like to write what I know about, since the reader will discern that the details are true. It makes the writing fun, not work, while I recollect the experience.

Here's another point, and it is a problem: I become obsessed with checking off the items on the list! That means I must see these tasks through to conclusion, whether it's phone calls, grocery-shopping, or emails. Now in the case of writing, self-discipline is a good thing. To a point. I write till I get too hungry or too tired. Sometimes a month goes by and I haven't relaxed by the pool with a book or sat at the ocean (right outside our window!). That's when Charley says, "It's time to go to a movie!"

In addition to writing the second book, I'm still marketing the first. Check out MINOR LEAGUE MOM's website for an idea of things I've been up to: www.minorleaguemom.net. Plus I've got other stuff I still want to accomplish. But that's another list I've started in my head!

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH?

OK, so you've written pretty much on and off your whole life. You have researched, written, then rewritten (maybe for years) your first manuscript. Facts have been verified and properly credited. How do you know if you're good enough to get published?

In order to get published, a writer has to do something well. And in order to write something that the reader will hold onto, a writer must believe in his product. That belief shines through the work, and the reader becomes a believer. The writer has put in the time and effort, and has been validated.

No one writes his best on the very first draft. It helps to read it aloud, to himself or others. That's where a writer's group or critique group comes in. After all, his wife and kids all thought it would be a best-seller! A group will give input and tips on general improvements to make. In the case of nonfiction, a pro who is knowledgable in the subject should look it over.

I am a newly-published author (MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS). Obviously, I knew my subjects intimately (my two sons) and my research involved the seven years that my husband and I followed them through the minor league system, from the rookie team through AAA (baseball's highest level). I kept journals as I watched. I collected all the newspaper articles from the towns we were in, and programs from games, etc., etc. When I finished my manuscript, I networked to find a sportswriter to read it.

After calling/emailing literally hundreds of people I knew and didn't know, I was lucky to find a published author/sportswriter who was also a reader for a literary agent in Boston. He agreed to edit my manuscript (my first truly objective reader). When he'd finished the manuscript and we went over the suggested revisions, he declared, "You've got to publish this!" That was my first real validation.

I sought a second one. I rewrote the manuscript, making many (but not all) of the revisions my paid editor had recommended. The second opinion was from a sportswriter for The Providence Journal (another published author). He perused the first fifty pages of my manuscript and told me I had a unique story to tell and a readable one. I had been validated twice!!

During the following eighteen months, I tried to find a literary agent to represent me (dealing in sports memoirs, of course). I collected a folder of rejection letters. It was a "Catch-22." No agent wanted to take a chance on a first-time author, but no new author can get published if an agent isn't willing to take that chance! During all this, I continued to believe in my story and in my writing.

I decided not to self-publish. My "Plan B" consisted of soliciting independent publishers from Maine to Florida. Luckily, I found New River Press in Woonsocket, R.I., which had formed a new imprint division called Barking Cat Books for first-time New England authors. I had a literary contract attorney look at the contract, then I signed. I sent the manuscript and all necessary photos, dedication, footnotes, and bibliography, electronically to the publisher. He in turn sent it to his editor electronically.

Over the course of three months, I received only three emails from the editor, while the publisher was in constant touch with her. I had heard stories of the great relationship editors develop with their writers! Not in my case. She kept us waiting until the last possible minute before returning the edited galleys. We almost missed our printing deadline. And she had cut practically nothing!!

Once again, I was validated. In the end, it meant a much longer book, since we were hoping the editor would direct me in consolidating parts of the saga. Since she didn't, we went with the manuscript almost exactly as I had submitted it.

My book has sold half of its first printing (1,500 copies)in seven months, and I am still doing book signings and presentations at libraries, book stores, and clubs. MINOR LEAGUE MOM has taken on a life of its own, and certainly overtaken mine! Who would have thought that I was good enough for all this?