A Photo Trip

I think we're all in need of an escape at the moment from the ravages of weather and man's inhumanity to man. I'm posting some photos below of our travels, with more in succeeding weeks.

Zambezi River, Zambia

Hungry Hippo on Zambezi River, Zambia

Thornybush Game Preserve, So. Africa

Siblings in Kirstenbosch Botannical Gardens, Capetown, So. Africa

Wakodahatchee Wetlands, Delray Beach, Fl.

Berkshire Mountains Music Festival, Mass.

A sapling for dinner, Thornybush Game Preserve, So. Africa

Turtle Rehabilitation Center, Juno Beach, Fl.

Climbing Mt. Vesuvius, Naples, Italy

Campers, Casamicciola, Island of Ischia, Italy

School kids, Ardmore, Ireland

Cards on the beach, Casamicciola, Ischia, Italy

Conch shells, Harbour Island, Bahamas

La Mortella Botannical Gardens, Island of Ischia, Italy

Sunset, Key West, Florida

Westport, Mass.

Self-Promotion in 2017

     Obviously an author has to do a lot of self-promotion.  He/she can write an award-winner or a self-published phenom (as with 50 Shades of Grey), but unless readers hear about it, who knows?  Of course, if an author has an agent and a publicist and a major publishing house, he'll have a lot of help doing the promotion.  Most authors don't ever reach that level, and even the big publishing houses expect the author to get out there and market himself.  The big houses have very small budgets for publicity in this era of downsizing and self-publishing.

     It's not an easy thing to put your name out there and splash your photo on the internet. Photo-ops for someone who didn't buy her first flip Razr phone until 2008 (me) didn't feel comfortable.

     After Minor League Mom:  A Mother's Journey through the Red Sox Farm Teams appeared in 2009, I spent a year speaking and doing interviews - almost all of which I arranged myself.  My publisher often set up the acoustics or introduced me, but didn't make the cold calls or underwrite the cost of food and drink at the book signings. I did.  In addition, I had to be comfortable speaking before an audience - or on radio or TV.  If I hadn't been, very few would have heard about my book. But I was a high school English teacher, and what I'd taught my students - public speaking - was easier than seeing my photo on posters or in social media.

     When Elderly Parents with All Their Marbles: A Survival Guide for the Kids appeared in 2014, at least I'd had some experience.  I spent another year speaking through doors that opened because of my first book. Signings and interviews followed, many of which were arranged by a publicist I paid.  She got me a second live television interview in Providence, R.I., but told me I was not "TV-worthy" for the big-time -  The Today Show.  I was not animated enough!  I promised to do everything but stand on the table and even brought a cardboard sign I used in the interview.  Although the topic was news-worthy (the "Oreo Generation," squeezed between taking care of kids and taking care of aging parents), I never made The Today Show!

     All of which leads me to the question:  Where do we draw the line between self-promotion and oversharing?

My Writers,Diners,Winers group at the book release party for Elderly Parents with All Their Marbles.

Book signing Boynton Beach, Fl., Public Library

Book signing Portsmouth, N.H., Public Library 

     We throw our lives into the black hole of the World Wide Web day in and day out, rummaging obsessively through the lives of others.  Don't misunderstand - an author has to have a web page, a blog, a Twitter account, a Facebook page, and selfies. They are necessary evils for any author today. But do we really care what restaurant our friend is in, what her dog is doing, or what song she's listening to?  My answer is, "No." Likewise, people do not care how wonderfully my granddaughter sings. The only exception may be the interest readers show in the books I recommend.

     A lot of social media is the old "look-at-me" thing.  Isn't my body, my croissant, my family, gorgeous (and better than yours)? Yet I have to believe there's more to "sharing" than that.  There's a joy in reconnecting and learning from each other.  The number of times I've gotten a "thank-you" for a post has encouraged this belief.  A picture still speaks a thousand words for those who haven't been in touch.

     Nevertheless, the act of capturing every move is often obsessive and offensive. We've all been in a restaurant when someone stands nearby while the waiter snaps away for a Facebook post. Or someone poses provocatively near us for a selfie, complete with a selfie-stick. There are those like my husband who mumble about the vapidity of self-promotion on social media. Yet he can't deny enjoying our friends' and relatives' posts when I (selectively) parade them before his eyeballs (he doesn't own a cell phone).  It seems the world is divided between those who can't keep their phones tucked away and those who are repelled.  I lie somewhere in the middle, finding it a necessary evil to sell my books. But believe me, I've had some publicity shots I'd rather forget!  Here are a few:

Looks like I needed some work on my roots!

Bug eyes and chicken neck

Was I asking for divine intervention?

     I recently read an article by Elisabeth Von Thurn Und Taxis (really!) on www.Vogue.com/living titled, "The Modern Woman's Guide to the Art of Self-Promotion."  Elisabeth listed tips for snapping and posting:

          1.  Know your place.  Be aware of where you are and whether your picture-snapping will offend.
          2.  Be judicious.  Ask yourself if you're uploading something funny, beautiful, or informative.  Your grandson's first steps and your new shoes may not interest the rest of the world.
          3.  Double-check.  Even with the best intentions, sarcasm may be misinterpreted, as may a provocative pose.
          4. Put your cell phone away and stay in the present moment.  The event you are enjoying may only happen once!  Don't edit or filter amid other guests to stop conversation or party-ing.
          5.  Don't put yourself in jeopardy.  Kim K. found out the cost of too much publicity.  Stay safe without posting personal information or risking your well-being. If you find yourself standing in traffic so the light can hit your face perfectly and the wind can fluff your brand new chiffon gown, you have a problem!

     Here you can see why I don't take selfies!

 






   

   

   

   

Thank-you Notes

When our sons were kids, I made them write thank-you notes. Every Christmas or birthday they knew they'd be sitting at the kitchen table writing a little note for their gifts. Their moans and groans could be heard over the television in the next room. Since I had taught high school English, the note couldn't just say, "Thank you for your gift."  It had to say "Thank you" and then give a reason why they liked the gift or could use it. When they received money gifts, their thank-you's were the easiest to write.  They could print, "Thanks for the money. I'll use it for some new hockey gloves (or a baseball glove)!" Sometimes I made them write a thank-you for a neighbor's help shoveling the driveway or a coach's dedication or a teacher's extra help after school.

The grandparents were the first priority to receive their thank-you's.  They treasured the misspelled words, the crayon drawings that accompanied the notes, and the heartfelt "I love you" surrounded by hearts at the end.  When we moved my parents from Connecticut to Florida, I found every thank-you our sons had written them tucked in a storage chest and wrapped in pink ribbon.

The way I looked at it, I was building a habit.  With practice the thank-you notes that were two lines became paragraphs.  It was a habit which made essay-writing in high school more bearable and it taught an important lesson.  Everyone likes acknowledgement.

I can tell you that I need this tool. Writing is only part of my job.  I need to work with editors and a publisher.  I need to go to conventions, interact, get reviews and interviews, and generate an audience through public appearances.  No-one can do all this on his own.  Gratitude for those who help along the way makes the path easier.

All sorts of doors may open if the writer is remembered because of a simple "Thank you" note. If a fan gives a positive review, I thank him for his kind words. If a review contains criticism, it might, nevertheless, contain suggestions for the future. I thank the reviewer for his time. Mass thank you's on social media might have less impact, but readers are grateful to be acknowledged.

You lose nothing by sending a "Thank you." Not saying it, though, could cost you. People don't have to take the time to purchase a gift or provide support, but if they do, they want to know they're appreciated. Our granddaughters' well-written thank-you's remain on a bulletin board for months. Our grandsons in kindergarten sent us pre-printed thank-you's and filled in the blanks. It's a good start!

An Interview with Award-winning Travel Author Margie Miklas

I met Margie at the Florida Writer's Association Conference in 2014.  She and I were selling our books next to each other and discovered we shared a love of Italy, among many other things (including Prosecco).  Margie's book MEMOIRS OF A SOLO TRAVELER - MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH ITALY won a bronze medal at that conference in the travel category.  She is now working on a novel.

Pam:  Although you connect with numerous friends and family on your travels through Italy, your two books, Memoirs of a Solo Traveler – My Love Affair with Italy and My Love Affair with Sicily, recount your travels solo. What motivated you to travel alone to Italy?

Margie:  After I visited Italy for the second time, I knew that I wanted to return for an extended period of time. And I knew that it was unlikely that anyone I knew could get enough time off or have the money needed to travel for a couple of months. So I decided to do it myself.

Countryside outside Caltagirone, Sicily.
Photo courtesy of Margie Miklas

Pam: What were the benefits and pitfalls of travelling alone?

Margie:  For me the benefits include the ability to travel at my own pace and do exactly what I feel like doing without having to consider anyone else's agenda. Also I am free to meet up with others at my leisure and meet new friends with no time constraints. My agenda can be somewhat flexible without having to consider another person or person's intentions. The downside is the cost of the hotel room and eating alone. However I use the time at restaurants to people watch, and sometimes I even engage in conversation with others seated close to me. I have even invited someone else to share a table with me, and we subsequently became friends.

Pam:  How did you learn to speak Italian?

Margie:  I used a number of tools, Rosetta Stone, Pimsleur CDs, online sites. Then I enrolled in Italian classes though a local Meet-up Italian group. At first I took group classes, and eventually I had private classes for a year and a half with my Italian teacher in preparation to go to Italy alone for three months.

Pam:  Your writing reads like a travel diary, exploring not only your experiences as you encounter a foreign culture, but also your feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and inner peace. How would you describe your writing?

Margie:  I would call it conversational. I write as if I am telling a story to you in my living room. I want the readers to feel like they are with me along the way. That is why I wrote those first two books in first person present tense.

       Winding road of Savoca, Sicily.      
Photo courtesy of Margie Miklas

Pam:  How did blogging help during your travels? When did you find time to write during your trips?

Margie:  Well, I made time when I traveled alone, and I also used a small recorder later. I find it much harder to keep up blogging when I travel with others on a busier agenda. I carry a small notebook and jot down notes, names of places and people, what I might see or hear. Now with an iPhone, I make use of the voice recorder to do the same. I also use my photos to jog my memory about more details when I write about my experiences weeks or months later.

Pam:  You also write for LaGazzetta Italiana, a monthly newspaper based in your home town of Cleveland, Ohio. How is the experience of writing for a newspaper different  from blogging?

Margie:  It is the same inasmuch as I do not get paid. I write out of a passion for Italy. Writing for a newspaper is different from blogging since there usually is a word count minimum and maximum, and  usually only one photo is used. I also have to think of the audience, which is similar yet different from readers of my blog.

Pam:  Can you describe the ONE experience that could never have happened anywhere but Italy (excluding having relatives there)? 

Margie:  Yes. I scheduled a cooking class in a small village in Sicily, in an agriturismo. We got lost trying to find it and arrived more than an hour late, despite a few calls to the property. Just as we arrived, the owner, who happened to be a count, was in the driveway with his keys to his car.  After greeting us with hugs, he informed us that he was going to leave to try and find us. Incredible!

Margie Miklas cooking  in class in Sicily.
Photo courtesy of Margie Miklas

Pam:  Aside from visiting your heritage, why do you feel so at home there?

Margie:  I think it is the way the local Italians treat people. In my experiences, complete strangers seem to go out of their way to help, to make me feel like family. They have invited me into their homes. They engage in conversation easily. It is the people that I cherish the most in Italy.

Pam:  Your third book was published this spring, a photographic essay on Italy. Have you had training or education in photography?

Margie:  I recently completed my third book, Colors of  Naples and the Amalfi Coast and it was published at the end of April. It is a dream come true for me because I have wanted to do a photo book for more than ten years. I have always been interested in photography, especially landscape photography. I took a photography course at a community college when I first moved to Florida thirty years ago. I used to sell some of my framed photographs at art festivals, and have won a few awards as well. So my love of photography is not new.

Photo courtesy of Margie Miklas

Pam:  What do you aim to achieve over the course of your writing career?

Margie:  I'd like to continue writing my blog as well as write more books. I am currently working on a novel, a completely different genre, a psychological thriller. I hope to complete it in 2016.

Margie Miklas is an American writer with a passion for Italy. She writes the blog, margieinitaly. Follow her on Twitter, FaceBook , Instagram, and Pinterest. She is the author of the award-winning book, Memoirs of a Solo Traveler – My Love Affair with Italy and also My Love Affair with Sicily and the recently released Colors of Naples and the Amalfi Coast.

Conference Detox

I've just returned from three days at the annual Florida Writer's Conference in Lake Mary, Florida. There were over four hundred of us, each hoping to unlock the secrets for publishing a best-seller.  I have an entire journal of notes.

There were three sessions each morning, starting at 8 a.m.  For each session we had a choice of several presentations by writers, marketing experts, financial experts, lawyers, publishers, agents, or screen writers. Fortunately there was a mid-morning break for some liquid and a cookie, granola bar, or yogurt.  I chose the cookie.

There were three sessions each afternoon, again with a choice of several presentations or panel discussions. During my mid-afternoon break I chose an ice cream on a stick.

There was a dinner each of the two evenings I attended, with a keynote speaker or awards.  Having walked for thirty minutes before each dinner, I felt righteous and ate a dessert at each - the carrot cake and chocolate mousse.  I managed to waddle into my book signing for ELDERLY PARENTS WITH ALL THEIR MARBLES: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE KIDS.

However, extra poundage wasn't the only thing I gained from this Conference.  The amount of information we gained was dizzying. Here are some of the presentations I attended:

"Sell Truckloads on Amazon"
"Change Your Characterizations through Syntax, Grammar, and Diction"
"What to Do and Not to Do in a Book Signing"
""Financials of Book Selling"
"Contracts and the Creative Process"
"How to Use Social Media to Sell Your Book"
"Using Writing Competitions to Advance Your Career"
"Book Trailers"
"Satisfying Endings."

With Margie Miklas
FWA Conference  Lake Mary, Fla.

In addition to seeing old friends from my critique group, I also made new friends - one in particular.  Her name is Margie Miklas, a recently-retired open-heart surgical nurse.  She won an award at the Conference for her memoir of travels through Italy (my favorite place in the world).  It's called MEMOIRS OF A SOLO TRAVELER: MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH ITALY, so check it out at www.margieinitaly.wordpress.com.

Now I've got to digest and absorb all the information. That goes for the food, too.

What Doesn't Happen When You Sign a Book Deal

This is my take on a blog by Addie Zierman, who appeared as a guest on Rachelle Gardner's Books and Such column.  Thanks, Addie, for your wisdom!

A writer spends years researching and writing, then rewriting a piece.  After three drafts he gives it to a Beta reader - maybe two or three.  He trusts these people - he knows them well - to make insightful suggestions about continuity, character development, time jumps, and voice.  He might or might not pay them.

The writer makes more changes.

Then he hires a line editor.  This editor is entirely objective, going over each comma and paragraph change, each verb tense and fact, with a magnifying glass.

The writer makes more changes.

He develops a query letter to a literary agent who specializes in his genre and is seeking new clients (maybe two a year).  The query might take months to develop.  It must have necessary elements but fit into one page. There may also be submission requirements for the agent, such as a proposal, which includes a marketing plan, chapter outlines, sample chapters, etc.  There go another few months.

The writer must have an agent in order to get published by one of the "big six" (or is it now five?). In order to get an agent, he must have sold a considerable amount of material.  And in order to sell a considerable amount of material, he usually needs an agent.  Ever heard of the book, Catch 22?

The writer submits his one-page query and waits...and waits.  An answer may take eight weeks to come back, if one comes back at all.  The response might be one line:  "We regret that your project is not suitable for our agency at this time."  For the lionhearted writer, this form of rejection can occur up to 100 times.  If he's lucky enough to get a response that reads, "We are interested in reading the first 50 (or 100) pages; please submit," he does so and waits...and waits. Usually with the same result, if he's a nobody.

But the writer hasn't been sitting around wringing his hands or relaxing with a cool one.  He's been developing a "platform."   The "platform" is crucial for a nonfiction writer, since he needs a following to be considered an "expert" in the field about which he's writing.  A "following" is loosely around 100,000 people subscribing to the writer's Twitter or Facebook account, blog, or website.  This assumes the writer is either a famous person or a national spokesperson.

In the case of fiction, a "following" can be garnered if the writer self-publishes and gathers 100,000 buyers on the internet.  Traditional publishers usually sit up and take notice, a la Shades of Gray.

While developing a "platform," the writer should be working on the second book in his series.  That's right...series!  The same genre, some of the same characters, same tone.  If  the writer is lucky enough to get a traditional publisher through a literary agent (who will take 15% after the writer has made back his advance from the publisher), he must produce a book a year.

One way or another the writer (wouldn't you agree by now he's a lunatic?) is determined to publish - through a traditional book deal, through self-publishing, through a vanity or a hybrid press (kicking in some money for formatting, design, and buy-back of the finished product).

Finally the miracle of birth!  The writer holds the newborn in his hands.  Euphoria overcomes him.  A book of his own!  It's wonderful - for about two minutes.

It means marketing, social media promotion, more editing, deadlines, accounting, and self-doubt.  He hides the negative reviews and goes on.  After all, he's a legitimate writer now, right?

What publication won't do is make him a celebrity if he sells the number he'd hoped, or a failure if he doesn't.  It won't change his insides, if he was broken before he bared his soul.

The writer is the same person who sat down at a blank computer screen and began the long journey to find the right words to convey his vision.  He may now be able to distill and inspire, but the world will take notice only for a second - or not.

What the world will do is continue to revolve around the moments away from the computer, the moments with the people who motivate and refresh him and inspire him to return to the blank screen.

Two Minutes Ago

     David Morrell (First Blood, The Brotherhood of the Rose) said in an interview, "Writers need to be tough.  This (writing) is not for the weak of will.  And we have to realize that yeah, it's never good enough."

     I know, pressure is often self-induced.  I live a "It's a Wonderful Life" reality.  Florida to Massachusetts, we split the year.  I have a husband of forty-seven years I adore, who adores me.  We are fortunate to enjoy good health and we stay active. We don't need to worry about our shelter, our food, or our kids.

     So what's my problem?  I write.  It's self-induced pressure, till you sign a publishing contract.  Till then, you have to finish the manuscript.  Then you have to rewrite it.  Then you have to rewrite it again.  Then you send it to a professional editor.  Then you rewrite again - portions (I hope) or all.  My second manuscript is at an editor now.

     I am really excited about this book called, A Survival Guide for Grown Children with Elderly Parents (Who Have All Their Marbles).  It consists of lighthearted rules for grown children to survive the care-giving days, based on humorous anecdotes about my parents, Ev and Walt, who lived into their nineties.

     It's also a practical guide.  The rules in the last half of the book are based on my experiences dealing with hospitals, rehab units, and skilled nursing facilities in Florida.  There's even an addendum for easy reference called, "Useful Notes, Definitions, Websites, and Phone Numbers." 

     The first email I got from my editor said the title was "clunky."  I probably agree with her - after all, I hired her to make suggestions like this.  So right from the get-go, we have to brainstorm.

     The same email showed suggested changes for the first three pages.  The changes were marked in dotted lines and arrows that go up, down, right, and left.  I don't know what triangles or circles mean either, since my first editor and I made changes to Minor League Mom the old-fashioned way.  We sat down with hard copies in our hands.  Before I make changes on the new manuscript, I must watch a tutorial video.

     Then there are the query letters to agents that will follow or proposals to publishers.  And the ongoing weekly blog or emails and newsletters and mail from others who write or mail to writers who may end up writing blurbs for my book.   Not to mention the marketing...which has already begun!

     Of course, I could self-publish and skip the last two paragraphs.  However, even self-published authors have to spend a year marketing, once their books appear.

     After the release of Minor League Mom, a friend asked me why I would want to go through the process again. Answer:  a writer wants to write!  Especially if there is potentially an enormous market for the manuscript.  I love this quote from Caitlin Moran, whose How to Be a Woman is part memoir, part rant, part manifesto:  "...if you're complaining about something for more than three minutes, two minutes ago you should have done something about it."

    

Manuscript Update



It's been three years since a division of New River Press published MINOR LEAGUE MOM:  A PARENT'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS.  People have started asking me when the next book will appear.

As Red Smith once said, "Writing is easy.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." 
Here's an update on A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR GROWN CHILDREN WITH ELDERLY PARENTS (WHO HAVE ALL THEIR MARBLES).

Although the SURVIVAL GUIDE manuscript is finished and the rewrite done, there are approximately four unpaid "editors" I've asked to read it, before I send it to a paid editor!  After each of these readings, the manuscript must be "tweaked," hopefully without major sections needing a rewrite.

Then there is detective work involved.  My parents (on whom the manuscript is based) are no longer alive and cannot refute the humorous antics I divulge.  However, there are others in the book who are alive, six years later!  I must track them down for their permissions to publish, to the extent possible.

There is also research involved.  I don't mean the journals or interviews on which I based the entirely personal "Rules" I learned for the GUIDE.  I mean the fifteen or so books I've read on the same topic, to ensure I am not duplicating material for a publisher.

After all three of my writing groups have weighed in each month on the excerpts I read them, I must keep up-to-date on internet blogs about writing, as well as the Writer's Digest and Florida Writer's Association newsletters.

But writing is the EASY part, to state it once again.
Next I must find an agent or a publisher.

My first publisher, New River Press, has gone out of business.  I must begin the solicitation process over again, since I choose to go the traditional publishing route for validation vs the self-publishing route.  I will query agents and send proposals (with very stringent guidelines for nonfiction) to publishers.

At least this time I have some contacts and know the ropes.  If I am lucky enough to get into print some day, the HARDEST JOB begins....marketing!

There is no money in the publishing industry today for marketing, even with the best-known giants, unless you're a John Grisham.  An author must devise a marketing plan on his own.  From past experience with my first book, I know it is a plan that an author will be asked to follow for all leads and contacts, down to "cold-calling" for book signings.  I spent a year on the road marketing MINOR LEAGUE MOM from Maine to Florida.  I paid for travel and provided many book giveaways and refreshments at book signings.  I hired a N.Y.C. publicist who acquired interviews for me on NPR, sports radio across the country, and Fox TV.

So why bother?  A writer must write, a dancer must dance.  It's something I enjoy doing every day.  Thankfully, electronic self-publishers are available in case the rejection letters stack up!  At least I know two recipients for A SURVIVAL GUIDE - our two grown sons.

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT: be different

Why, I ask myself, would anyone want to read a book about a mother with two sons in the Red Sox minor leagues (MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS)? But they did! After ten months, my book has sold half of the first printing. I am astounded by this, so I analyze. I had read everything in print on the subject of minor league baseball before I started writing and discovered that I had a unique story to tell...a story of a family with two sons playing for the same pro team, with the same goal: becoming a major leaguer. Neither of them ever made it. There would be no instant name recognition to this story. Still, a mother's point-of-view was unique in the world of pro sports.

But my story also had to be readable. So I wrote my memoir in the best way I knew how. As a former writing teacher, I knew the pitfalls. I needed to have my sons, the two main characters, grab the reader's attention and sympathy. They are likable kids, smart and motivated, so that was no problem. There was plenty of family history to write about. Both boys worked so hard through the seven years in the Red Sox system, yet they were so different.

Now I am at a crossroads before beginning another memoir, this time about my elderly parents in their nineties - their funny habits and idiosyncracies, before the caregiving started. They were each healthy in mind and body until the last several months. However, I plan to chronicle the caregiving, too, since that lasted only a short time for each of them, and Ev and Walt died almost exactly a year apart. They would have passed together, if there was any way they could have planned it. I am still reading memoirs and essays published about caregiving for aging parents. I don't want to repeat what is already out there.

Here is the point. In order to do something different that a publisher will want to print and that readers will want to pick up, I've got to have a new twist, a new hook. And I do. Why? Because I am different from all those other caregivers, and my parents were different from all the other parents - loving toward their children and each other, set in their ways, yet able to charm and joke. They were fun to be around, and Walt's blue eyes created instant girlfriends among the women he met. My mom was sweet and smart, but had a real adamant streak when she decided someone had tried to get away with something. The memory bank I have is different from anyone else's.

It is this memory bank of funny stories that I will recount in order to show how I got through the end of the story. That is my twist. It is difficult enough to hold your parents in your arms while they make the transition. Without the memory bank, it would have been nearly impossible. I am different because my story is different. Isn't everyone's?

REINVENTING MYSELF

There are many people writing on websites more qualified than I, giving advice on how parents can help their children become successful individuals (athletics being only a part of that formula). I would like to discuss the flip side: how to maintain a balanced lifestyle as the parent of athletes (thereby raising well-adjusted and happy kids!). It's not an easy task.



My book, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS, has just been published by Barking Cat Books. For a complete profile, visit www.minorleaguemom.net. The book is my story of the seven years of triumphs and tragedies, as our two sons journeyed through the minor leagues, from the rookie team through AAA (the pinnacle) during 1992-99. What I had considered to be my balanced lifestyle definitely became one-sided during those years! Here's the background of how it developed.



STAGES ONE AND TWO: FROM TEACHER TO FULL-TIME MOM
I obtained a Master's Degree from Columbia U. Teacher's College and before we had children, I taught high school English in three different states. I sometimes got so caught up discussing books with students afterschool that I would forget to pick up my paycheck! I absolutely loved teaching, although this was before the days of weapon- and drug-checks in the hallways.



When we had our boys sixteen months apart, I decided to become a stay-at-home mom. I absolutely loved that, too! I was always busy, either taking the boys to museums or zoos or later volunteering for things at their school. Our neighborhood mothers would meet for coffee to share recipes, stores and restaurants that had opened, kids' experiences at school or on teams. Those of us who didn't work put each other's names on the "Call in an Emergency" list for our children at school. There was always an instant playgroup in the yard with neighborhood kids (including the sisters), and the play usually involved a ballgame. We didn't have to arrange many "playdates." I volunteered for everything: President of the YWCA, President of the Preschool Parents' Association, President of Newcomer's Club, team mom in Little League. Our social activities revolved around our friends in these organizations or tennis court friends.



STAGE THREE: RETRAINING FOR A NEW CAREER IN INTERIOR DESIGN
When Tim was around ten and Todd nine, I decided to return to the work force. I felt I needed to direct my creativity to something beyond the boys' classroom projects or directing annual funds, budget proposals, raffles, or bake sales. I tried to get back into teaching high school English, but in the early 80's there was a glut of teachers. So I went to my first backup plan. I decided to retrain in something I also enjoyed: interior design. We lived close to R.I. School of Design, and the commitment involved four years of night-school for an advanced degree. My husband, Charley, was completely supportive. Although he had a demanding job that involved travel (often international for ten days at a time), he took over the homework check after dinner with the boys while I worked on perspective drawings or studied for architecture exams, often till sun-up. During this time I also apprenticed for a local designer during the day, but was available when school let out.



When I opened my own company, I chose to do so out of our home. I used the dining room, right off the central hall, as my office. This allowed me to arrange my work hours around school, practice, and game schedules. I don't want to minimize the stress this schedule caused...often I was in Boston at the Design Center with a client and would be looking at my watch to get on Route 93 South in order to avoid rush hour and be able to pick the boys up on time. My stomach was often in knots. I worked till midnight many nights on the accounts, after attending one of their hockey games or drilling them for a test.



In addition, I was not earning nearly what I would have if I had joined an interior design firm in a city. But the trade-off was a more balanced lifestyle and a happier me. Charley and I both participated in the boys' activities to a huge extent, once they chose to commit to a team (always their choice and no quitting was allowed). Often dishes piled up, the grass grew long. Our commitment to their education (ALWAYS the first priority) and their team sports became their commitment - habitual, expected, a way of life. I suppose that the discipline they learned early from balancing studies with extracurricular activities paved the way for the self-discipline they needed later, both in the Ivy League and in professional sports. They began to reap the rewards: state championships, All-Star status in both hockey and baseball, entrance to Dartmouth and Brown, All-Ivy status for both boys in baseball, and finally, THE BOSTON RED SOX!



STAGE FOUR: AN UNBALANCED LIFE
Todd, our younger son, was drafted in the ninth round by the Red Sox in '92. He had just completed his junior year at Brown. He promised us he'd complete his degree in the off-seasons, and because of his strong work ethic, we knew he would. Tim, his older brother, graduated from Dartmouth and signed ten days after his brother as a free agent. I still had my interior design company, but things became part-time. About this time, Charley lost his job. We decided to relocate to Florida permanently. That meant we could attend spring training in Ft. Myers and follow the boys' careers on a more frequent basis.



Over the course of the seven-year Red Sox journey, their dream became mine. I changed from supportive mom to Red Sox addict to obsessed minor league mom. Their tragedies and triumphs became mine, as interested fans and relatives constantly besierged us with questions. I needed another back-up plan! I found it in the journals I began to keep about the experience of dealing with the Red Sox farm system. Into what would have been his third season, our older son, Tim, was released at the end of spring training. My role as Mom kicked in. He went to Japan to teach, then to graduate school, and began another career. He survived just fine! When Todd's career ended just one step below Fenway Park (AAA), he went back to graduate school and on with his life. I survived those last five seasons with Todd in the minors by writing about it - reinventing myself with my journals.



A NEW LIFE AND NEW LESSONS
It's been ten years since Todd last put on a pro uniform. I turned my journals into a narrative, eventually found a publisher (through persistence!), and began a new career as an author. It is challenging, fun, exciting, and time-consuming. And who knows where my journey will go from here?



The lessons I learned?
ALWAYS HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN - whether it's education, a career, finances, or anything else!
IF YOU ARE ABLE TO FIND FULFILLMENT in what you are doing, your family will be happier,
too.
IT MIGHT BE TOUGH TO BALANCE all the facets of your life, and sometimes something will
have to be put on "hold." You might have to take a PAY CUT, to NOT volunteer for
things you would like to, and perhaps to NOT work so hard.

But when you are a grandmother, as I am, you will be able to look the rewards in their little faces and smile!